Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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