dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
