Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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