AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
