Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
