u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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