I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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