The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I fill condoms, not promises.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh god it's open bar.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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