Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
