his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
