Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
