We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
