i permit you to call me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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