1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
