I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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