I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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