Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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