You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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