Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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