you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
