we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
