Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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