So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
