I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
