Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
