With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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