Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
