Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
