Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you made out with another girl for some wings
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
