you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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