non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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