I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love having hate sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
