it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
