She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
