He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
