How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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