he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up under a house in Key West
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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