And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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