Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
