Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
