It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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