can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
