the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
