hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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