my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
