You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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