I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
