We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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