I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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