I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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