You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
