and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
