Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
